I thought I was getting funnier looks than usual today when I returned to work from my routine Wednesday lunchtime walk. It took me a few minutes to figure out why.
I have a special pattern on Wednesdays. I arrive earlier at work than usual; I spend my lunch break walking to my local comic shop to pick up the week’s new releases; I hurry back to my desk so I can finish out my early day and enjoy an extended evening. Pretty much like clockwork. My coworkers know me just enough to think nothing of it.
I paid for my hobby fix and got lost in thought while the clerk placed them inside the usual translucent bag. I remained pretty much on autopilot during the brisk walk back, through the heart of downtown, into the lobby, and up the elevator, passing a few distractingly odd expressions along the way.
When I sat down at my desk and began shuffling things around, that’s when I focused and really looked at what I’d been carrying.
You can click on the picture to enlarge, which I’m providing here for the sake of context, but I wouldn’t recommend it, especially not at work.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Oh, dear.
What you’re seeing through the bag is an ad for a comic I guarantee I’ll never buy. This ad is on the back cover of Doctor Spektor #1, a new reboot of a ’60s super-hero who means nothing to me in and of himself. I picked it up because it’s written by the great and powerful Mark Waid, 90% of whose works tend to rise to the top of my weekly reading pile. The front cover is comparatively benign — maybe a tad on the spooky side, nothing wilder than what you’d find on the cover of an old paperback ghost story.
Paranoia set in. Maybe I wasn’t imagining those expressions. Here we are in a professional environment with a reputation and a dress code and neckties and a workforce in which women outnumber men by a wide margin, and I’m cluelessly walking around with what probably looks to the undiscerning eye like a big, showy bag full of embarrassing little Maxim pamphlets. For new readers, let it be stated for the record my preferred reading matter normally doesn’t include glossy, modern burlesque. If this had been the front cover, I would’ve left it on the store shelf, Waid or no Waid.
I paused to think it through. Maybe no one had seen it and I was fretting for nothing. Maybe I had the other side of the bag facing outward while I was walking, no harm was done, and those alleged faces had been made because my antiperspirant expired ahead of schedule. Maybe I was worrying for nothing.
So I flipped the bag over.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Ahh, nuts.
You can also click and enlarge this one if you must. I’ll just be over here blushing and rolling my eyes at the same time.
This wasn’t even something I bought or requested. This was the cover of the new Comic Shop News, a free weekly newspaper that many retailers give away to regular customers. They toss it in your bag without showing it to you or asking, and when you get home you have a little extra reading material. Or in this case, ogling material. This week the fans at Comic Shop News decided to spotlight a new project starring Vampirella, a well-known, painstakingly curved character whose costume is made from three strands of Christmas ribbon. She’s practically a comics tradition, for those who like or think they need this sort of thing.
Not all comics readers, guys.
This isn’t the first time I’ve wound up with baggage from the comic shop that could easily invite the glaring wrath of the mothers and grandmothers who outnumber me at work. Last year the shop was using bags provided by Fox promoting their new TV series The Following. I can’t find a photo of this bag online and perhaps that’s for the best, but the image on both sides was the show’s logo next to a photo of a nude woman with a knife, her R-rated parts nestled behind her other parts. That one was impossible to overlook. When presented with one of those, I took the comics out of the bag, turned the bag inside-out, placed the comics inside the now-opaque reverse-bag, went on my merry way, and never watched the show. Problem solved.
But I’m not in the habit of inspecting the outside of my bag every week. Call me entitled, but I feel like I shouldn’t have to. I avoid comics that go out of their way to look anything like this for a reason, especially if they’re super-heroes. Zero interest here. I’m happily married, not looking to supplement or supplant that lovely woman, and really not keen on having things around the house that would need to be hidden from visitors. And it’s not as though all comics are like this. Within these simple, prudish guidelines, I still find plenty of quality books to read on a weekly basis.
But now I’m in the position having to inspect all sides of my purchases before I leave the shop, just to ensure my peace of mind and continual paychecks. I’d rather not have to resort to bringing my own bags to the shop, but I’d also rather not have friends and family fearing for my thought life or my marriage. Or thinking I’m the kind of guy who thinks strip clubs are cool and who marks the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue release date on his calendar every year.
Vehement online debates about chauvinist behaviors and exclusionary attitudes in the comics field have already been giving me cause for concern, shame, outrage, and sadness in recent months, each reaction taking turns prevailing from day to day. This kind of thing isn’t helping my mood. Yes, I realize it’s not certified nudity or hardcore porn. That doesn’t make it okay in my house, and it definitely doesn’t make it okay to leave lying around my cubicle.
If anything bad happens because of my little accidental parade, Comics and I are gonna have to have a very long talk.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
